I've always loathed Sundays...the last of two days sans work, always coupled with anxiety of the week to come and depression of the minutes left of free time. This Sunday I'm particularly sad... just had a wonderful weekend with my two lovely lady friends from Seattle, Lisa and Katie. The three of us met the summer of 2008 in the learning lab on the sixth floor of the T-wing of the Magnuson Health Science Center. Both were fellow cohorts of the last of the Women's Health Care Nurse Practitioner track at University of Washington. The three of us have been through a lot together... a wedding, grief of a lost parent, children starting and graduating from college, a parent with cancer, a heart break, etc... but now, we are all employed nurse practitioners who no longer have to take a 30 minute power nap in the library because of a pending 12 hour 7p-7a shift to work that night or splitting up some bullshit mock case about dysfunctional uterine bleeding for the two hours of torture by my nemesis...Dot (the director of the Women's Health program) during clinical seminar every week. I stupidly decided to take the Doctorate track, which kept me in hell a.k.a. grad school for one year past Katie and Lisa... which was horribly painful trying to finish without my two school besties. They are both seasoned NPs... Katie is working in an OB/GYN office and Lisa in a Reproductive Health office and it is so inspiring to see them both feeling more comfortable in their roles. And although many of our weekend conversations consisted of the appearance of an atrophic endometrial layer on ultrasound or the function of Estrogen during the menstrual cycle... we had a wonderful time. As a primary care provider I don't exercise my brain regarding the minutia of women's health as much as they do, so I found my memory being jogged on many accounts... but they don't envy my responsibility to manage Emphysema or Atrial Fibrillation. They have both been my biggest cheerleaders and it felt good to show them my office and talk about the struggles of being a new provider during the first year. They both agreed that things were going well for me in Portlandia... which was very reassuring. I've had my bumps in the road here in Portland and I have definitely unpacked the "I"m lonely and single and it makes me sad" box from the move... unfortunately I couldn't leave that one in Seattle or put it in storage for forever... but as we all agreed I am on the right track.
I picked them up from the train station Friday night and we headed out for a drink at my favorite bar Circa 33. Saturday morning we took Rupert for a walk to my office and then on to Mt. Tabor. We found a delicious Jewish Deli, Kenny and Zuke's (I enjoyed a bowl of Matzoh Ball soup) and of course we went shopping. These aunties bought Rupert a toy and portable water bowl at my favorite pet store Hip and Hound and spent close to an hour at Lucky Jeans with an over zealous saleslady. For dinner we dined at Nuestra Cucina...which had amazing food and even better margaritas. This morning we waited the token 65 minutes to enjoy the amazing goodness of brunch at the Screen Door... perused the shelves at Powell's, then treated ourselves to a pedicure before dropping them off at the train station. Sigh... now I'm back on my couch with my adorable puppy snoring next to me, wondering how the weekend went by so fast. This week will be filled with being on call, protesting Valentine's day and getting ready to officiate a wedding this weekend in Seattle. Yep... officiating... this will be wedding #5!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Daniff = Great Dane + English Mastiff = Love
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Last Saturday I officially became the proud owner of a Daniff... a bit of an impulsive move, but I'm absolutely smitten with my 40lbs of 13 week ball of love... Rupert. I've been contemplating getting a dog for awhile. My lifestyle for the last 7 years has been noncondusive for dog-owning... thus why I've stuck to my two feline companions Auddy and Midge. Auddy is my red headed problem child who has probably met every neighbor in a two block radius and then there is Midge... my special needs child... seriously if cats could have trisomy 21... she has it. And now we have Rupert. My family has always had dogs... and cats... and horses... and goats... it feels great to have a dog of my own. He definitely is more of a companion than my girls... I am excited for the day we get the go ahead for the dog park... T-minus 3 weeks. Today he's only 40lbs... but he'll probably be upwards of 140lbs, I may have to get a different couch to accommodate both of us! Currently I am obsessed with his bowel habits... trying to house train and am consumed with his every move hoping to be that diligent dog owner... attempting to not be a total failure. Thankfully, I'm fortunate to have a great friend who comes every day at lunch to let 'ol Rupert out... they are officially BFFLs. And Rupert's BFFL has been extremely helpful with creating a routine and as a result... Rupert has been doing wonderfully. I'll keep you posted with his progress and growth... we are soon to start puppy classes.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Year
Once again... I have found myself 3 weeks status post my last entry. Well, hello 2012. I am really hoping you are going to be better than your predecessor.
I've officially been a primary care provider for two entire months. I've been living in Portland for 86 days.
Being a primary care provider has been an interesting ride thus far. I am thankful on a daily basis that I have put in my time as an ER nurse. In the emergency department, you quickly learn the tools of deciphering if someone was FOS and drug seeking. I could smell a drug seeker from a mile away... but at the end of the day, it wasn't ever my decision to order a narcotic... my job was to get it out of a pixis station where I had to count how many pills or vials were in the drawer and then waste with another RN the portion that was ungiven to the patient. Now, I hold the cards. I decide whether or not to prescribe pain medication, how much, length of time and if the patient returns to my exam room... whether or not I'll authorize more refills. With this power comes a great deal of misery. I have already had one irate patient call the office repeatedly, yell and hang up on the front desk staff, angry that I refuse to refill his vicodin... last week I was seeing a gentleman as an ER follow up only to find he wanted refills on Percocet and Methadone... I told him I wouldn't charge him for the visit but I could not help him... this of course was followed by a long diatrabe of: how could I just let him suffer like this? and oddly enough, he was moving in a few weeks and why couldn't I just help him out this one time? He was going to go into withdrawl... wasn't I concerned? No sir, I am not concerned... now this is the shit they don't teach you in school.
Portland continues to be a place I enjoy... but it still hasn't totally sunk in that I live here. The other night my friends Amiee and Matt and I had an inkling for something sweet... Amiee and I went out to a neighborhood coffee shop/dessert cafe called Palio Dessert and Expresso House. Normally, I try to steer clear from sugar (key word being 'try') but I was overcome by their blackberry cobbler. Amiee tried the vegan oat cake and Matt the German Chocolate cake... but the best part of this entire experience was observing a fellow patron of this said dessert spot. A man in his late 30s, heavy set, bearded (but that goes without saying in Portland... everyone has a beard here, even the women), was sitting at a table blowing bubbles. Honest to God bubbles. Nothing ceases to amaze me in this town.
My dear friend Felice and I started a tradition of focusing on one word for the new year in place of making a list of resolutions. This year I've decided that my word is: "proactive". The impetus for this word is that I have realized I need to really embrace this transition to a new city and attempt to form a community and to start actually living IN Portland. In light of this proactivity, I have decided to join two meet up groups: a running/beer drinking group and a cycling group. Mind you... this isn't my first rodeo with meet up groups... I joined like six of them in Seattle but I have yet to actually show up to one event. So tomorrow, January 4 2012... I am going to join the NoPo Run Club for a 5k and beers.
I've officially been a primary care provider for two entire months. I've been living in Portland for 86 days.
Being a primary care provider has been an interesting ride thus far. I am thankful on a daily basis that I have put in my time as an ER nurse. In the emergency department, you quickly learn the tools of deciphering if someone was FOS and drug seeking. I could smell a drug seeker from a mile away... but at the end of the day, it wasn't ever my decision to order a narcotic... my job was to get it out of a pixis station where I had to count how many pills or vials were in the drawer and then waste with another RN the portion that was ungiven to the patient. Now, I hold the cards. I decide whether or not to prescribe pain medication, how much, length of time and if the patient returns to my exam room... whether or not I'll authorize more refills. With this power comes a great deal of misery. I have already had one irate patient call the office repeatedly, yell and hang up on the front desk staff, angry that I refuse to refill his vicodin... last week I was seeing a gentleman as an ER follow up only to find he wanted refills on Percocet and Methadone... I told him I wouldn't charge him for the visit but I could not help him... this of course was followed by a long diatrabe of: how could I just let him suffer like this? and oddly enough, he was moving in a few weeks and why couldn't I just help him out this one time? He was going to go into withdrawl... wasn't I concerned? No sir, I am not concerned... now this is the shit they don't teach you in school.
Portland continues to be a place I enjoy... but it still hasn't totally sunk in that I live here. The other night my friends Amiee and Matt and I had an inkling for something sweet... Amiee and I went out to a neighborhood coffee shop/dessert cafe called Palio Dessert and Expresso House. Normally, I try to steer clear from sugar (key word being 'try') but I was overcome by their blackberry cobbler. Amiee tried the vegan oat cake and Matt the German Chocolate cake... but the best part of this entire experience was observing a fellow patron of this said dessert spot. A man in his late 30s, heavy set, bearded (but that goes without saying in Portland... everyone has a beard here, even the women), was sitting at a table blowing bubbles. Honest to God bubbles. Nothing ceases to amaze me in this town.
My dear friend Felice and I started a tradition of focusing on one word for the new year in place of making a list of resolutions. This year I've decided that my word is: "proactive". The impetus for this word is that I have realized I need to really embrace this transition to a new city and attempt to form a community and to start actually living IN Portland. In light of this proactivity, I have decided to join two meet up groups: a running/beer drinking group and a cycling group. Mind you... this isn't my first rodeo with meet up groups... I joined like six of them in Seattle but I have yet to actually show up to one event. So tomorrow, January 4 2012... I am going to join the NoPo Run Club for a 5k and beers.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
How did I get here?
This past weekend I returned to Seattle for a night for my friend's birthday... twas good times and it was really great to reconnect with friends up there. Although, I did find myself in my head for the larger portion of my 3 hour drive back to Portland Sunday afternoon....
My wanderlust has been in the forefront of my heart for the majority of my adult life... I spent the year after high school living in a barn, cleaning 25 stalls a day just so I could be trained by a very esteemed trainer in the middle of nowhere, Illinois, while my friends were going to frat parties and figuring out dorm dynamics; I joined the Peace Corps at age 27 and lived in a small village in Cameroon teaching math and science while most of my friends from home were getting married and started having babies; I went back for a second bachelor's degree for nursing at 29 and lived in Baltimore (a.k.a. shitsmore) and worked in a clinic where the RNs ran a STD clinic and I coordinated HIV testing... where I told too many patients that they were HIV+; then moved across the country to Seattle to work in an ER and go to school full-time... I also thought it was a good idea to go volunteer in Haiti after the earthquake for my spring break. And now at 36, I've made yet another move. Both physically and career wise and I'm kind of freaking out. I don't recount my life story to illicit any admiration or ego boosting... I have done and seen a lot and I am proud of that, and wouldn't take it back for the world... but I've also missed out on other life experiences. I have made a lot of sacrifices to be where I am today... I am still single and nulliparous, all of my girlfriends who were formerly my token single friends... now have sig ots. I have 12 nieces and nephews and am the only single clan member of 7. The thought of settling down in one place used to make me incredibly anxious, thus a reason I've moved almost every year for the last eleven... but I chose this path right?
So now I'm in Portland. Working in a clinic where one of the docs has been here since he finished residency 25 years ago. Leaving Seattle on Sunday I asked myself, "do I miss it here?" A question I've yet to answer. I struggled creating a community in Seattle... I had friends from work and school.... but they all have families and spouses or they were 10 years my junior... I spent a lot of time alone in Seattle, mostly due to the emotional malaise of being in a full-time doctoral program and it was hard for me to pull myself away from watching a "Bones" marathon on my down time. I miss the familiarity, the comfort of being a recluse at times, and it was home for 4 years. But again, now I am in Portland. I guess it is time for me to grow some roots which is such a weird sensation for me, but I think it might be ok.
This coming weekend is our work holiday party. It is at a hotel and my boss pays for a hotel room and there's a brunch the following morning...sounds fun right? But, I am sort of dreading it... well not sort of, I am. I am the only single provider and I am the newest employee. It is my first weekend on-call and therefore cannot use my usual social crutch (read: maker's mark) in excess and we are expected to dress up. UGH!! I guess I am super tired of flying solo... and as my friend Michele and I would say is that I am driving my pity-party bus right now... and will most likely be driving it to the Sheraton on Saturday night.
On a brighter note, I got to see two great friends from school Sunday morning for brunch. I can't reiterate enough how nice it is to receive affirmation that this is super tough. Starting as an NP is difficult and it's ok to feel overwhelmed. One friend Katie, is a seasoned Women's health NP who has been practicing for a year, and I look at her with such admiration. We recounted stories of the number of times we just don't have a clue with patients. Since I started seeing patients in the beginning of November; I've had a few follow-up visits... and surprisingly most of them have reported that my interventions have worked! A gentlemen I saw for a skin issue (which is by far one of the toughest parts of my job) had improved... when he said that his rash had gotten a lot better, I almost wanted to say "No Shit?! Who knew?!"
We are never really sure that the choices we make are always the right ones... I am pretty sure my decision to move to Portland is right... just sometimes you need to step back and review right?
My wanderlust has been in the forefront of my heart for the majority of my adult life... I spent the year after high school living in a barn, cleaning 25 stalls a day just so I could be trained by a very esteemed trainer in the middle of nowhere, Illinois, while my friends were going to frat parties and figuring out dorm dynamics; I joined the Peace Corps at age 27 and lived in a small village in Cameroon teaching math and science while most of my friends from home were getting married and started having babies; I went back for a second bachelor's degree for nursing at 29 and lived in Baltimore (a.k.a. shitsmore) and worked in a clinic where the RNs ran a STD clinic and I coordinated HIV testing... where I told too many patients that they were HIV+; then moved across the country to Seattle to work in an ER and go to school full-time... I also thought it was a good idea to go volunteer in Haiti after the earthquake for my spring break. And now at 36, I've made yet another move. Both physically and career wise and I'm kind of freaking out. I don't recount my life story to illicit any admiration or ego boosting... I have done and seen a lot and I am proud of that, and wouldn't take it back for the world... but I've also missed out on other life experiences. I have made a lot of sacrifices to be where I am today... I am still single and nulliparous, all of my girlfriends who were formerly my token single friends... now have sig ots. I have 12 nieces and nephews and am the only single clan member of 7. The thought of settling down in one place used to make me incredibly anxious, thus a reason I've moved almost every year for the last eleven... but I chose this path right?
So now I'm in Portland. Working in a clinic where one of the docs has been here since he finished residency 25 years ago. Leaving Seattle on Sunday I asked myself, "do I miss it here?" A question I've yet to answer. I struggled creating a community in Seattle... I had friends from work and school.... but they all have families and spouses or they were 10 years my junior... I spent a lot of time alone in Seattle, mostly due to the emotional malaise of being in a full-time doctoral program and it was hard for me to pull myself away from watching a "Bones" marathon on my down time. I miss the familiarity, the comfort of being a recluse at times, and it was home for 4 years. But again, now I am in Portland. I guess it is time for me to grow some roots which is such a weird sensation for me, but I think it might be ok.
This coming weekend is our work holiday party. It is at a hotel and my boss pays for a hotel room and there's a brunch the following morning...sounds fun right? But, I am sort of dreading it... well not sort of, I am. I am the only single provider and I am the newest employee. It is my first weekend on-call and therefore cannot use my usual social crutch (read: maker's mark) in excess and we are expected to dress up. UGH!! I guess I am super tired of flying solo... and as my friend Michele and I would say is that I am driving my pity-party bus right now... and will most likely be driving it to the Sheraton on Saturday night.
On a brighter note, I got to see two great friends from school Sunday morning for brunch. I can't reiterate enough how nice it is to receive affirmation that this is super tough. Starting as an NP is difficult and it's ok to feel overwhelmed. One friend Katie, is a seasoned Women's health NP who has been practicing for a year, and I look at her with such admiration. We recounted stories of the number of times we just don't have a clue with patients. Since I started seeing patients in the beginning of November; I've had a few follow-up visits... and surprisingly most of them have reported that my interventions have worked! A gentlemen I saw for a skin issue (which is by far one of the toughest parts of my job) had improved... when he said that his rash had gotten a lot better, I almost wanted to say "No Shit?! Who knew?!"
We are never really sure that the choices we make are always the right ones... I am pretty sure my decision to move to Portland is right... just sometimes you need to step back and review right?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
H/P clan comes to visit!
Wow, I cannot believe it's December already... and I've officially been practicing for one solid month. Crazy!
Today I woke up early to enjoy a cup of coffee and a skype date with one of my BFFs before work. It was such a wonderful way to start my day. She is a new mom and also trying to wrap up her NP degree... she's amazing. I feel so fortunate to have such wonderful girlfriends in my life, just makes me so sad that most of them are so far away.
Last weekend I had quite the crew come to visit... my brother and his family plus, their 4 month old Goldendoodle. Needless to say my cat with special needs Midge, hid under the dresser for the majority of the weekend as a very fluffy white ball o'fun ran around the house. Portland has many culinary delights and Friday night we went to Dick's Kitchen which is a healthy take on a diner. I had been there before and immensely enjoy their "not-fries"- potatoes that are baked in a convection oven making them super crispy and delicious and their malts... ooohh emmmm geee. But Friday night it was right out of a Portlandia episode... our smiley waitress came to the table to take or order. She begins by asking if we had ever dined at DK's... my answer was yes, but it's their first time, pointing to the Haws/Packard Clan. Which sparked the following monologue: "Well, here at DK's all of our meat is local and grass fed and we make sure to use only local vegetables. Plus we adhere to a Paleolithic diet, meaning low salt and low gluten... so any one of our burgers can come naked (wrapped in lettuce) or you can try it on one of our gluten-free buns!" I was watching my SIL from across the table very wide-eyed, biting my lip because I was about to burst out laughing. I am not kidding, this really happened... no joke... it was incredible. And WTF? Who's ever heard of a Paleolithic diet? And excuse me, does a vegan hotdog qualify as Paleolithic? Because I'm pretty sure tempeh wasn't available during the Paleolithic era.
I treated my 9 year old niece to go see Cavalia for her birthday... it's a Cirque du Soliel with horses. It was quite good, well the first act was a beautiful grey and by the end of the act I was bawling my eyes out. In a previous life I was a very serious equestrian and the horse reminded me of my since passed Ascot... tear. The rest of the show was great and I think Emma had a great time. The remainder of the weekend included lots of shopping... the H/P clan wanted to take advantage of the no sales tax... followed by a pizza and cupcake party for the 5 of us for Emma's birthday. The pizza at Dove Vivi is incredible btw. We finished the weekend of food gluttony at the Screen Door... whoa. we. whoa. First of all, we arrived at 0915 to find an hour long wait... but it was well worth it. Apparently the fried chicken and waffles is their specialty (not for this kid), but they serve grits and I heart the grits and they were amazing.
An impetus to start this blog was to help me process my new experiences in Portland and in a new career... but more importantly, to also find my 'ness'. A phrase coined by my dear friend with whom I skyped with this morning. Meaning my AwesomeNESS. I have for a long time lost sight of my 'ness'... a broken heart and some weight gain can do that to a gal... and just an overall feeling of defeat. But, I am trying hard to get back my 'ness' or recreate it I guess. Sarah and I spoke about our 'ness' this morning and currently I am directing my efforts on this: for as long as I can remember, I have always put other people first, no matter what the consequences may be for me. Now, I am really being cognizant of the decisions I make, and am trying (I mean... this is a real work in process) to make decisions and choices that benefit ME. For most this is probably commonplace, but for me, it takes great effort and well... ah di try-o!
So on that note... I want to say thanks to my loved ones who could always see my 'ness' even when I couldn't or rather wouldn't. I also am thankful today that my friend Kate safely arrived home from India... not that I had any doubt, just makes me sleep better.
It's cold here. Time for bed.
Today I woke up early to enjoy a cup of coffee and a skype date with one of my BFFs before work. It was such a wonderful way to start my day. She is a new mom and also trying to wrap up her NP degree... she's amazing. I feel so fortunate to have such wonderful girlfriends in my life, just makes me so sad that most of them are so far away.
Last weekend I had quite the crew come to visit... my brother and his family plus, their 4 month old Goldendoodle. Needless to say my cat with special needs Midge, hid under the dresser for the majority of the weekend as a very fluffy white ball o'fun ran around the house. Portland has many culinary delights and Friday night we went to Dick's Kitchen which is a healthy take on a diner. I had been there before and immensely enjoy their "not-fries"- potatoes that are baked in a convection oven making them super crispy and delicious and their malts... ooohh emmmm geee. But Friday night it was right out of a Portlandia episode... our smiley waitress came to the table to take or order. She begins by asking if we had ever dined at DK's... my answer was yes, but it's their first time, pointing to the Haws/Packard Clan. Which sparked the following monologue: "Well, here at DK's all of our meat is local and grass fed and we make sure to use only local vegetables. Plus we adhere to a Paleolithic diet, meaning low salt and low gluten... so any one of our burgers can come naked (wrapped in lettuce) or you can try it on one of our gluten-free buns!" I was watching my SIL from across the table very wide-eyed, biting my lip because I was about to burst out laughing. I am not kidding, this really happened... no joke... it was incredible. And WTF? Who's ever heard of a Paleolithic diet? And excuse me, does a vegan hotdog qualify as Paleolithic? Because I'm pretty sure tempeh wasn't available during the Paleolithic era.
I treated my 9 year old niece to go see Cavalia for her birthday... it's a Cirque du Soliel with horses. It was quite good, well the first act was a beautiful grey and by the end of the act I was bawling my eyes out. In a previous life I was a very serious equestrian and the horse reminded me of my since passed Ascot... tear. The rest of the show was great and I think Emma had a great time. The remainder of the weekend included lots of shopping... the H/P clan wanted to take advantage of the no sales tax... followed by a pizza and cupcake party for the 5 of us for Emma's birthday. The pizza at Dove Vivi is incredible btw. We finished the weekend of food gluttony at the Screen Door... whoa. we. whoa. First of all, we arrived at 0915 to find an hour long wait... but it was well worth it. Apparently the fried chicken and waffles is their specialty (not for this kid), but they serve grits and I heart the grits and they were amazing.
An impetus to start this blog was to help me process my new experiences in Portland and in a new career... but more importantly, to also find my 'ness'. A phrase coined by my dear friend with whom I skyped with this morning. Meaning my AwesomeNESS. I have for a long time lost sight of my 'ness'... a broken heart and some weight gain can do that to a gal... and just an overall feeling of defeat. But, I am trying hard to get back my 'ness' or recreate it I guess. Sarah and I spoke about our 'ness' this morning and currently I am directing my efforts on this: for as long as I can remember, I have always put other people first, no matter what the consequences may be for me. Now, I am really being cognizant of the decisions I make, and am trying (I mean... this is a real work in process) to make decisions and choices that benefit ME. For most this is probably commonplace, but for me, it takes great effort and well... ah di try-o!
So on that note... I want to say thanks to my loved ones who could always see my 'ness' even when I couldn't or rather wouldn't. I also am thankful today that my friend Kate safely arrived home from India... not that I had any doubt, just makes me sleep better.
It's cold here. Time for bed.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
thankful, reconnaissant, agradecido, a be plenty thankful soteh...
Apologies for not writing in awhile...life has found me rather busy. Really, by the time I get home, get a work out in of some kind, eat dinner, I can barely raise my arms for the remote control, let alone type out a post.
Today I find myself up in Olympia to spend time with the family. My SIL and I got up to participate in the "Oly Trot"... a 4 mile turkey trot this chilly morning at 8am. It was great to get up and get going... however there were about 700 runners attempting to run around Capitol Lake which has a path for about 3 people wide, which made for some annoyingly slow moments. Not that I am a fast runner by any stretch of the imagination, but when you're stuck behind a family of 5 with a stroller... it's annoying. When we finished the run, they had run out of cups for water (which were small Dixie cups)... which almost sent me over the edge... Really? Is this your first day? Effing amateur hour! I mean, don't ask me to pay $35 bucks and not have any water!!! I'm just saying. Oh yeah, it's Thanksgiving and this post is about being thankful.
The past year has been pretty tough, and now that I'm am starting to see the sun peep out behind the dark clouds, I am reminded of what I am thankful for:
1. My wonderful friends who inspire me on a daily basis. I have been fortunate enough to have collected an incredible gaggle of great friends through my travels and life experiences. My only complaint is that they are scattered all over the country and beyond... would love it if they all lived in my neighborhood.
My dear friend Kate is in India right now particpating in a medical rickshaw race from Mumbai to Dehli. Not only am I super proud of her, but I'm extremely jealous... as I feel she and I would have made a fabulous team... I should be there! Please check out this link and if you feel like you have a coin to spare, consider donating money to this worthy cause. http://www.crowdrise.
2. My family and my family's health. My family experienced a bit of a medical turbulence earlier this year and fortunately, the outcome seems to be ok... I am very thankful for that. One of the greatest lessons I have learned by being in health care is that life is precious and the fact that I and most of my friends and family have adequate access to health care should not be taken lightly. I think of this on a daily basis as a primary care provider... my decision making is often dictated by not what test to order but what test will the insurance pay for if any...
3. Being the Eff done with school! I am pretty GD thankful for that.
4. I basically hit the lottery with my new job... and I feel thankful that I even have a job considering the economic climate and this job is pretty money. I don't have the pressure to see 5 million patients in a day... which as a new grad is pretty incredible. I am able to take my time, which comes as a blessing considering I am practically looking things up with every visit trying to figure out what the heck to do. I am hopeful that this parts gets a little easier as time goes on... there is just SO much to know.
5. I feel very lucky to have access to amazing, healthy, local food. I've attached pictures of the PSU Saturday Farmer's market... I went two weekends ago and it was incredible.
Ok, now I need to get fired up to enjoy yet another Thanksgiving dinner with my family as the only single member of the clan. Cheers! Happy Thanksgiving! Bon Appetit! Chop Fine!
Today I find myself up in Olympia to spend time with the family. My SIL and I got up to participate in the "Oly Trot"... a 4 mile turkey trot this chilly morning at 8am. It was great to get up and get going... however there were about 700 runners attempting to run around Capitol Lake which has a path for about 3 people wide, which made for some annoyingly slow moments. Not that I am a fast runner by any stretch of the imagination, but when you're stuck behind a family of 5 with a stroller... it's annoying. When we finished the run, they had run out of cups for water (which were small Dixie cups)... which almost sent me over the edge... Really? Is this your first day? Effing amateur hour! I mean, don't ask me to pay $35 bucks and not have any water!!! I'm just saying. Oh yeah, it's Thanksgiving and this post is about being thankful.
The past year has been pretty tough, and now that I'm am starting to see the sun peep out behind the dark clouds, I am reminded of what I am thankful for:
1. My wonderful friends who inspire me on a daily basis. I have been fortunate enough to have collected an incredible gaggle of great friends through my travels and life experiences. My only complaint is that they are scattered all over the country and beyond... would love it if they all lived in my neighborhood.
My dear friend Kate is in India right now particpating in a medical rickshaw race from Mumbai to Dehli. Not only am I super proud of her, but I'm extremely jealous... as I feel she and I would have made a fabulous team... I should be there! Please check out this link and if you feel like you have a coin to spare, consider donating money to this worthy cause. http://www.crowdrise.
2. My family and my family's health. My family experienced a bit of a medical turbulence earlier this year and fortunately, the outcome seems to be ok... I am very thankful for that. One of the greatest lessons I have learned by being in health care is that life is precious and the fact that I and most of my friends and family have adequate access to health care should not be taken lightly. I think of this on a daily basis as a primary care provider... my decision making is often dictated by not what test to order but what test will the insurance pay for if any...
3. Being the Eff done with school! I am pretty GD thankful for that.
4. I basically hit the lottery with my new job... and I feel thankful that I even have a job considering the economic climate and this job is pretty money. I don't have the pressure to see 5 million patients in a day... which as a new grad is pretty incredible. I am able to take my time, which comes as a blessing considering I am practically looking things up with every visit trying to figure out what the heck to do. I am hopeful that this parts gets a little easier as time goes on... there is just SO much to know.
5. I feel very lucky to have access to amazing, healthy, local food. I've attached pictures of the PSU Saturday Farmer's market... I went two weekends ago and it was incredible.
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| Only in Portlandia! |
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| Celery on Roids |
Ok, now I need to get fired up to enjoy yet another Thanksgiving dinner with my family as the only single member of the clan. Cheers! Happy Thanksgiving! Bon Appetit! Chop Fine!
Friday, November 11, 2011
whoa...we...whoa
I've mentioned in previous posts is that recently I finished a doctorate program while working part time and thought that short of having a newborn...it seemed unfathomable I could be as tired as I feel after my first full week as a primary care provider. I get off of work and feel as though my head might explode, starting this new career has been way more mentally draining than I had ever expected.
Because I have a completely open schedule, when patients call the clinic wanting to be seen that day, they see moi. What I feel most comfortable doing are well women exams....history taking, physical including a pap and then a discussion on birth control options. I would have been over the moon if I had several of these said appointments on my schedule to begin my first week. Start with what you know right, then work up to the hard stuff? Wrong-o. No, I get to start with the acute illness patients...I walk into a patient's room to find a man who got jammed in the abdomen by his boat's anchor or the blind, bilateral below the knee amputee (bbka), type 1 diabetic has severe bone pain under his dentures....WTF? As I am taking their history, I'm multi-tasking with listening to what they're saying whilst shitting my pants a little trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do for this patient. Luckily there are 5 other providers in my practice and one day, I asked each one of them 5 separate questions about 5 separate patients. Thought I would share the love a bit (read: I don't want them to all think I'm a complete idiot). Honestly, is there ever going to be a day where I know what the f%&k I'm doing?
The crazy part of it all is...I write prescriptions...and sign them...and the patient goes to a pharmacy and fills them. This is an odd sensation. I mean the last three years of my life have been spent sitting in a provider room, shoved in a corner, attempting to be completely out of the way....sucking down an iced quad americano trying to appear cool, calm, collected and awake. If I was lucky I would get to interview my patients alone and return to my preceptor with a case presentation and a plan of some sort, which would be commonly be responded by: "well...that's a good point but, we are actually going to do this (insert their plan)...nice try". I spent hours writing the perfect SOAP note which no one read except a clinical instructor who got her jollies off by making me cry. Basically my point is this, I've spent three years without responsibility of making critical clinical decisions without someone looking over my shoulder. Now, I have my name on stationary, business cards and prescription pads. How did I get here?
Don't get me wrong...I've never felt more certain that I've taken the right path for myself, it's a solid fit. ER nursing had me pretty burned out, I enjoy the ability to build relationships with patients and my A#1 goal is to keep my patients out of the ER for an unnecessary ailment. However, it is tough. One night after work I found myself swimming laps thinking with each stroke resonating over if I had put a patient on the right medication that day...ugh.
I have a fun weekend planned...hitting the famous PSU farmers market and a run in the park with Amiee...and my sister is coming down Saturday night. Hoping to catch up on some Z's too. Until then...one day at a time.
Because I have a completely open schedule, when patients call the clinic wanting to be seen that day, they see moi. What I feel most comfortable doing are well women exams....history taking, physical including a pap and then a discussion on birth control options. I would have been over the moon if I had several of these said appointments on my schedule to begin my first week. Start with what you know right, then work up to the hard stuff? Wrong-o. No, I get to start with the acute illness patients...I walk into a patient's room to find a man who got jammed in the abdomen by his boat's anchor or the blind, bilateral below the knee amputee (bbka), type 1 diabetic has severe bone pain under his dentures....WTF? As I am taking their history, I'm multi-tasking with listening to what they're saying whilst shitting my pants a little trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do for this patient. Luckily there are 5 other providers in my practice and one day, I asked each one of them 5 separate questions about 5 separate patients. Thought I would share the love a bit (read: I don't want them to all think I'm a complete idiot). Honestly, is there ever going to be a day where I know what the f%&k I'm doing?
The crazy part of it all is...I write prescriptions...and sign them...and the patient goes to a pharmacy and fills them. This is an odd sensation. I mean the last three years of my life have been spent sitting in a provider room, shoved in a corner, attempting to be completely out of the way....sucking down an iced quad americano trying to appear cool, calm, collected and awake. If I was lucky I would get to interview my patients alone and return to my preceptor with a case presentation and a plan of some sort, which would be commonly be responded by: "well...that's a good point but, we are actually going to do this (insert their plan)...nice try". I spent hours writing the perfect SOAP note which no one read except a clinical instructor who got her jollies off by making me cry. Basically my point is this, I've spent three years without responsibility of making critical clinical decisions without someone looking over my shoulder. Now, I have my name on stationary, business cards and prescription pads. How did I get here?
Don't get me wrong...I've never felt more certain that I've taken the right path for myself, it's a solid fit. ER nursing had me pretty burned out, I enjoy the ability to build relationships with patients and my A#1 goal is to keep my patients out of the ER for an unnecessary ailment. However, it is tough. One night after work I found myself swimming laps thinking with each stroke resonating over if I had put a patient on the right medication that day...ugh.
I have a fun weekend planned...hitting the famous PSU farmers market and a run in the park with Amiee...and my sister is coming down Saturday night. Hoping to catch up on some Z's too. Until then...one day at a time.
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